Ma where are my fat pants?

That seems to be the motto for my extended, I certainly leave feeling like a seacow every year. Oh and a beach too- but that is more from the buildup of politely telling my relatives, “no we don’t drink cokes but thanks anyway”, “please don’t let the baby have anything dairy, she has a casein allergy- yes cheese is dairy no-she can’t have it”, “no pie for the kids thanks, what its a holiday, ok still no pie for the kids” until I explode and remind my siblings that I am the only one who doesn’t have a glucometer  or take more than a multivitamin. ( I prefer the garden of life kind because they are made from things I can pronounce and don’t hurt my stomach.)

Holiday season is a nightmare for people in the southeastern US who are trying to eat healthy, lose weight, or just better their food choices for several reasons. Many families get together with adult siblings bringing a few dishes to a central home, just because your family eats organic, or ova/lacto-vegetarian, or gluten free does not mean that your relatives do or will accommodate your lifestyle.

Eat It!Then there is grandma who thinks you are too thin or makes those sad eyes if you don’t try her deep fried cookie encrusted sugar whipped pecan pie. According to an article from calorie control many people consume between 3000-4500 calories, can you Black Friday shop off that many calories (or more accurately afford to shop that long)?

So tomorrow instead of sitting around the house bust out those Christmas lights and ornaments, decorating can burn up to 350 calories an hour.

Is your house on fire Clark? Lighting your house like Clark Griswold. #Christmas #Decorating #AAChristmas

Rake the yard (300 cal/ hour). Hit the mall (100 cal/ hour), Just move! While you are moving drink water, lots of it- the current recommendations are 1/2 oz for every pound of body weight a day. Shape Magazine estimated the NaCl intake to be over 2000 grams FOR JUST ONE MEAL and that is if  the components were not canned or smoked. (Heaven help those who had a deep fried turkey).

My family did their best to eat “mom approved” but somethings are just so tempting and well intention-ed relatives don’t help much. “Its just one day, lighten up. We are all healthy and this is the same stuff we ate as kids.” Really you think you are healthy?! So you are saying the insulin you had to pack with you and the hypertension meds that just fell out of your bag are recreational? Do you even know how many hours I put in at the gym a week? Are you nuts- I NEVER want my girls to have the self image problems I did as a teen. One of my girls actually got so sick to her stomach that she hurled (no she isn’t bulimic she just strait up ate more sugar in one meal than she does in a month at home and it made her physically ill). Someone handed my youngest tea that I am pretty sure was just Caro syrup that tea bags had steeped in and I could see her eyes expand a la a cartoon and her hair vibrate- guess who she got to sit with for dinner. Hint not me, but the “tea offender”. Even I am not completely innocent on the day, my calorie count came to 2200, fat 53, sodium 950 which leaves me sluggish and with an indentation on my left hand where I had to pull off my wedding ring due to swelling. I was hypernatremic with my 3rd pregnancy and although she is 3 I still have to really be careful about salt, a can of coke = wedding ring in pocket, Memphis style (is there another kind?) bbq = no shoes. In spite of a super cheat day most of us (Hurley McRalpherson aside) did pretty well and plan to move boxes, trim trees, rake leaves, and do some bad dancing to Christmas carols in the mall all day tomorrow.

I hope to see you do the same

Image credits to some e-cards, pinterist, imgr

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